Mehreen.Hash

Most of the time , people come to me and say 'You are so lucky'. As a matter of fact, these are my most peaceful days. This year has been very lucky for me regarding work, emotional health and social acceptance. Since last few months or may be after my recent trip to Europe, I have found peace inside me. There is nobody dragging me to do chores in high fever. There is no one screaming at me, there is no one humiliating me in a house full of guests. There is no one demeaning my existence. I have not been groped on streets since last couple of years. I am not working day and night to make my ends meet. I am not worried about my safety and security in my own house. But it all feel so awkward and unfamiliar. I feel as if one day I will wake up from this dream back to my darkest days. It has been a struggle of survivor for a very long time, almost two decades as much as I remember. My first memory of this world is a gruesome game which he played several times and there was no one...

We all say that we are our only friend ...blah blah....But are we truly?  Being your only best friend truly means hugging yourself during difficult times, reminding yourself to come to your senses while having a panic attack, making yourself comfortable during illness, finding strength in your decisions, moving your houses alone, convincing yourself during your darkest days not to end this ridiculous life with the hope that one day it will be worth living it, pushing yourself to work harder so that you can gain some social acceptance, keeping yourself company while learning new skills every now and then i.e. Salsa Jive, cooking, German etc. , consoling yourself during bad days, pouring yourself a cup of chamomile tea for the sake of smooth sleep, singing yourself a lullaby after having a nightmare in the middle of the night, making yourself happy through buying something materialistic some time, looking for strategies for saving your finances, planning a vacations for yourse...

My dog named Mr.Yuri is no ordinary character, those who know me , knows him too. Those who don't know me , also knows him. He has very good communication skills means he responds rapidly to 'dinner time', 'lets go for a walk', 'do you want a treat?' and so on . In short every thing which he likes to do , he knows it by name including my friend Kiran who gets him treat and invites him to play in her garden. Why is he so important to me?? There are several reasons. I had my first pet cat when I was around 5 years old. I grew up in a situation where I had no friends, no cousins or any other good company so to speak. These animals were my only company who I could share all my sufferings. Since then I had several pets although I was not allowed to have pets in the house. They came to meet me on our roof where I could forget everything else and play with them. I don't have anything to look back related with my childhood besides these animals. Some times th...

When I was a child, I learned to make a wish through dandelion. There were so many dandelions in my parent's house. It was so many times when I held a dandelion in my hand, made a wish and let it go for it to be true. I have been a wishful person who has believed in magic and miracles. If there are miracles then there is magic and if there is magic there are wishes for sure. So, I made wishes with those dandelion flowers in my parent's home which I had to leave few years ago to keep myself well and alive. I like dandelions more than any flower, during my darkest days, it looked like a small, round, tiny source of light to me. Considering the fact that these are a child's imagination. I was never allowed to make friends, I was never allowed to play with other children. Why? There are several reasons which I cannot mention here. But I survived and created my own universe called ‘Blue planet’. Besides these survival strategies, dandelions were something which has comforted m...

Before starting my curatorial practice, I has been practicing as a fine artist. Since then it has been a remarkable experience. Being an artist we are only aware about our own work whereas as a curator I learned to look at the whole picture which is actually a bigger one. A display area is a canvas full of several artworks for curators. Since my student's life I preferred to play with display of my artwork. As a curator, I took the liberty to experiment with other artists’ work. I learned to look at the big picture. Every art work has its own place where it can give its impact and attract audience. The number of responsibilities has increased including all the paperwork, leading the team and executing a good display where every artwork's placement has been justified. It has burst my own bubble of being able to understand my own work only. It has enhanced my understanding for my own artistic practice in terms of conceptual approach. While working with several artists of diffe...

This is about my recent traveling to Europe. It has all started with an invitation from a Dutch art organization with whom I have collaborated a couple of times. I planned a trip and they offered me an invitation to make it purposeful. So, this show and an informal lecture was planned in Alkmaar, Netherlands. I already have good regards for Dutch people because it has been good experience so far on professional basis. My group show was planned in July 16th, Sunday along with a talk. I planned my trip from Netherlands to Berlin and kept few days for unexpected adventures. To be very honest, I was nervous and doubtful about myself to be able to manage the whole trip on my own savings. Off course, I don't have that 'daddy' who will be there for you in difficult times, especially when you run out of cash on your Europe trip. I never had that privilege, not because I was an orphan, because mine refused to be there for me. Not only that he was not there emotionally for me, if ...

When I was around 12, I read a story in a children's magazine.  The story goes like this;    'Once upon a time there lived a painter in a city. One day, he decided to do an experiment with audience. He painted a landscape and placed it at a busy market of the city. He also placed a note next to it saying 'Please make a circle on my mistakes so I can improve my work'. After few hours when he returned to collect his painting, He was shocked to see that the whole painting was full of circles now. With so much disappointment and sadness, he picked his painting and left. He was so disappointed with those circles given by people that he decided to stop painting for a while. After few days, he got an idea. He made another painting and placed at the same place on that busy street with a note again. This time he wrote on the note; 'Please correct the mistakes if you see any'. When he returned after few hours, he found his painting untouched. No one has corrected his ...