Mehreen.Hash

Most of the time , people come to me and say 'You are so lucky'. As a matter of fact, these are my most peaceful days. This year has been very lucky for me regarding work, emotional health and social acceptance. Since last few months or may be after my recent trip to Europe, I have found peace inside me. There is nobody dragging me to do chores in high fever. There is no one screaming at me, there is no one humiliating me in a house full of guests. There is no one demeaning my existence. I have not been groped on streets since last couple of years. I am not working day and night to make my ends meet. I am not worried about my safety and security in my own house. But it all feel so awkward and unfamiliar. I feel as if one day I will wake up from this dream back to my darkest days. It has been a struggle of survivor for a very long time, almost two decades as much as I remember. My first memory of this world is a gruesome game which he played several times and there was no one

We all say that we are our only friend ...blah blah....But are we truly?  Being your only best friend truly means hugging yourself during difficult times, reminding yourself to come to your senses while having a panic attack, making yourself comfortable during illness, finding strength in your decisions, moving your houses alone, convincing yourself during your darkest days not to end this ridiculous life with the hope that one day it will be worth living it, pushing yourself to work harder so that you can gain some social acceptance, keeping yourself company while learning new skills every now and then i.e. Salsa Jive, cooking, German etc. , consoling yourself during bad days, pouring yourself a cup of chamomile tea for the sake of smooth sleep, singing yourself a lullaby after having a nightmare in the middle of the night, making yourself happy through buying something materialistic some time, looking for strategies for saving your finances, planning a vacations for yourself,

My dog named Mr.Yuri is no ordinary character, those who know me , knows him too. Those who don't know me , also knows him. He has very good communication skills means he responds rapidly to 'dinner time', 'lets go for a walk', 'do you want a treat?' and so on . In short every thing which he likes to do , he knows it by name including my friend Kiran who gets him treat and invites him to play in her garden. Why is he so important to me?? There are several reasons. I had my first pet cat when I was around 5 years old. I grew up in a situation where I had no friends, no cousins or any other good company so to speak. These animals were my only company who I could share all my sufferings. Since then I had several pets although I was not allowed to have pets in the house. They came to meet me on our roof where I could forget everything else and play with them. I don't have anything to look back related with my childhood besides these animals. Some times th