Why ? How ? Who ? What ? When ? and Why me?

Curiosity kills the cat where as in our curious social circle, our questions are killing us. From funeral of one's parents to birth of one’s child, everyone is asking questions. Whether it’s a divorce or a marriage, death of your parent or separation for instance, the worst part is to explain your situation. When did this happen? How did it happen? Why did it happen? I mean when, what and how can be explained but why?? I have a question in response to this question why do you ask such questions? Or how would I know that why someone did it in the first place? Also how much curiosity do you have? Or why are you so nosy? Ahem, I could never throw the last ones, even though I knew someone and so wanted to say this to her. Well, silent treatment works well or another solution is to answer in Yes or No or very short ones or best is to leave the room and instead go to the Lou, the most private space on this planet.

Most interesting side of this dilemma are the tricks of asking these questions. These tricks depend on your age and level of maturity as well as your relationship status. Perhaps married people are very much familiar of such behaviors as compare to single ones. If you are a single girl in her twenties standing up for your right and breaking some norms for example standing up against your supposedly loved ones who happened to be abusive with you, questions will be thrown straight on your face. 'But how is it possible?' 'But Why did they treat you like this?' and further more 'but.... (a long dramatic pause).......I don't understand How is it possible?' Really, please give me a break!! I already have to take care of myself on my own and off course I do have emotions which need healing at this stage. This is more important for me than satisfying your curiosity. The irony is that most of the curiosity has come from our beloved women!

In the beginning it has been the most difficult part more than settling myself financially and emotionally. So I learned to practice answering these questions. But there has been a struggle of acceptance in my case, it has been difficult for me to live among those whose loved ones actually loved and supported them. And my poor self who was struggling with her own emotional breakdowns, replied in my head 'I wish I knew, I am also looking for my answers, I also have questions and Why me ? Well I never asked God why me because with all the hardships, he has been compensating with many blessings.

During my dark days, when all I had was myself, I had to walk through our lovely and most amazing social stereotypes which has made me angry at times. Sometimes I exploded and sometimes I broke down which again made it worst and the award given was ‘socially awkward' or 'People are right about you.' I still get the last one sometimes, the recent one was few weeks ago. It was not a meltdown or a reaction, I have become good at analyzing and provoking others now when I required them to feel the way I felt. When they underestimate a petite girl who stands on her own with only support by god and hard work; they need a lesson. I am no more in my twenties and no more running away from my demons. I am no more struggling in my career or life so to speak. I am no more taking care of other's curiosity. I am no more explaining myself to be accepted or adjusted. What makes me strong is that among hundreds of curious cats, I have found those who are no more interested in why? When? How and Why you? Of my life or anybody else's. Yes, questions do come my way and in a twisted one now; because being older, more mature, least bothered, most rebellious and the most complicated person, I have stopped curing their curiosity. My answers are not yes or no and I definitely don't avoid or waste my time in the Lou. The ratio have decreased from 99.990% to 0.1% now, thanks to my amazing sarcasm.

We have all been through this and we all complain about such social habits. We have faced several tragedies whether it’s related with our siblings or financial conditions. We all live a life which will never ever be a perfect one forever. May be this is the reason, we are given a package with few or many or one thing missing from it so we can understand and empathize each other instead of making it miserable with our unnecessary curiosity. I want to thank all those who has showed their support and compassion, sometimes with words and sometimes with their silence. The ratio is 10/100 but it’s a strong one which matters only. 

'Sawwal Jawwab' . 2015
Ink and acrylics on canvas paper
Showcased in Netherlands,Germany and Denmark as part of 'Global Village' 2016